CITY TO INSTALL AIRBAGS IN LAMPPOSTS TO PROTECT TEXTING PEDESTRIANS

The city council last night voted to spend nearly a quarter million dollars to install automotive-type airbags on all downtown lampposts.  The decision came after dozens of pedestrians have reportedly been injured over the past few years after colliding with posts while texting.

“This is a real problem.  Half our young people are walking around with chipped front teeth and squashed noses,” said city councilman Cletus Wongwood.

Testifying before the council was 22-year-old Reisling Custinudder, whose face was bruised and bandaged after she walked into a post while texting.  

Because of her large bandages, her testimony was largely unintelligible, but it sounded something like, “Brruee magoff prppertinfner welgen seefer.”  The entire council nodded in agreement and then unanimously approved the expenditure.