Turns out that moron standing on the corner repeatedly whacking the button to change the crosswalk light was right.

According to a University of Puyallup research project, pushing the crosswalk button more frequently and with greater force actually does make the “walk” light change faster.  

“We were shocked,” acknowledged Civil Engineering and Ancient Dialects professor Tapioca Barth.  “I see people kicking and hitting the button, and I always thought they were idiots.  I guess I was wrong.”  

The project, funded by a $4,000,000 grant from the U.S. Department of Transportation, showed that forcibly hitting the button repeatedly reduced pedestrians’ waiting time by an average of three yoctoseconds.