VW BUS LOSES RACE TO MOVING SIDEWALK

After the race, Tongas Leeper laughs it up while loser Squeezer Snopf, in driver’s seat, cries uncontrollably

At first, 79-year-old Tongas Leeper seemed nervous.  But one minute later it was all over and he triumphantly held his plastic trophy high.

Leeper, standing motionless on a Fexler Industries F-470 moving sidewalk, reached the race’s finish line long before the old bus.  “They had already presented me with my trophy by the time the VW crossed the finish line,” Leeper said proudly.

In the driver’s seat of the 1973 Volkswagen Type 2 Bus, which is a long-term Parksplug test vehicle, was junior editor Dewey “Squeezer” Snopf, who buried his face in his hands and cried his eyes out.  At press time, Parksplug officials had not decided whether to terminate Snopf’s employment or install a turbocharger on the bus’s engine.