Updated on February 14, 2017
Sobriety Tests Too Difficult, Says Defense Attorney
52-year-old Gable Lorberman tries to breakdance as part of his sobriety test. “I threw out my back and chafed my palm and still got arrested,” he complained.
Everyone agrees that driving impaired is a dangerous crime, and it’s something that’s increasingly prevalent on the nation’s streets and highways. But a local defense attorney says roadside sobriety tests have become so difficult that they’re nearly impossible for even a sober person to perform.
Pyewacket Drudge attempts to perform a roadside DUI test
“I had one client who was instructed to hop on one foot in a straight line while waving his arms in circles like propellers,” said attorney Nemo Corcoran. “The cops arrested him after he lost his balance and fell in a ditch. Whatever happened to just touching the end of your nose with your finger?”
Corcoran provided several photographs of his clients attempting to perform the field sobriety tests, all of whom failed. “It’s crazy. I think the police are making up these tests as they go,” he complained.
Perhaps the most difficult test to perform involves jumping as high as possible while holding a goldfish bowl. Any spillage or trauma to the fish is considered an automatic fail.
One police officer who wanted to remain anonymous said the more challenging tests are indeed more fun to watch.
“It really gets boring having people recite their ABC’s or watching them walk a straight line,” he said. “It’s so much more entertaining to have them do a reverse handspring or perform ‘I’m a Little Teapot‘.”
The best advice, of course, is don’t drink and drive.
