Automakers Want to Crash-Test People Instead of Vehicles

Claiming that crash testing wrecks too many vehicles, a coalition of automakers is proposing that NHTSA — which stands for National Highway Traffic something or other — ¬†have humans sprint into a fixed steel barrier instead.

General Motors spokesperson Scut Nooberk, who was chosen to represent the collection of domestic and foreign automakers because of his nice haircut, told reporters, “”You crash six or eight Acadia Denalis into a barrier and, holy cow, that’s a lot of money down the drain.”

PeeWee Garwahl sprints into a test wall as his dog Cletus, wearing cervical collar, observes

Asked for comment, NHTSA spokesperson Tonico Blark claimed that not only was he unfamiliar with the proposal but admitted he didn’t know what the abbreviation NHTSA stands for either.

After showing the crowd a video of a man running full-speed into a steel barrier, Nooberk said, “Sure, he’s unconscious, but we saved, like, $55,000. ¬†

 

 

 

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