Category: Uncategorized
Updated on November 6, 2021
Owners Itch and Moan Over Allergic Vehicle Seats
A day after hundreds of vehicle owners complained of breaking out in itchy, oozing rashes they say was caused by their vehicles’ vegan seat covers, the maker of those seats admitted using pulverized poison oak plants in the… Read More
Posted on October 19, 2021
How Toyota’s NFL Halftime Show is Being Affected by Supply Chain Issues
Why is there a mid-80’s Tercel SR5 4WD sitting center stage on Toyota’s NFL Halftime Show, you ask? “It’s the damn semiconductor chip shortage,” explained Toyota Media Manager Arpus Ardnut. “It’s the same reason my Aunt Mamie can’t… Read More
Posted on October 12, 2021
Local Man Suffers Breakdown After Spending 73 Hours Trying to Replace Wiper Blades
A Chisel Rapids man is under the care of mental health professionals after spending days trying unsuccessfully to replace his vehicle’s windshield wiper blades. “I couldn’t even get the old ones off,” said a tearful 32-year old Nocknor… Read More
Updated on October 12, 2021
Heretofore Unknown Henry Ford IV Shows Up Looking For a Management Job
Henry Ford and Henry Ford II are long gone, and we already knew about Henry Ford III, Henry the First’s 39-year-old great-grandson who recently left his day-to-day job at the Ford Motor Company but continues to hold a position on… Read More
Updated on September 26, 2021
Ask Parksplug: “The Closer I Get to Home, the More I Have To Go To the Bathroom.”
Dear Parksplug, I’m a reasonably healthy 47-year-old man. I eat a lot of snow peas and work out daily with my wife’s deflated exercise ball. When “nature calls,” I always head home rather than use the restroom at… Read More
Posted on September 2, 2021
Subaru To Make Seat Covers From Tub Drain Hair
It’s gross and clogs the drain. But, always the innovator, Subaru — who, after all, developed the 1946 Fuji Rabbit motor scooter which came complete with an automatic transmission — has created a process to turn disgusting globs of… Read More
Posted on August 7, 2021
FIRST LOOK: CHEVY’S NEW TAHOE NOMAD!
When I showed up to check out the soon-to-be-released Tahoe Nomad, Chevrolet Marketing Manager Neptune Trotter rushed over to greet me. A plus-sized fellow with a sunburned nose like a scorched rotisserie chicken, Trotter grabbed me in a… Read More
Updated on June 27, 2021
Experts Claim Flat Bottom Steering Wheels Lead to Flat Bottomed Drivers
Here’s a good excuse to go out and buy that Audi S5 you’ve been wanting. A lowly-respected researcher claims that people who drive cars with flat-bottom steering wheels frequently develop flatter bottoms themselves. “It’s true,” claimed Yktruct… Read More
Posted on February 19, 2021
“DAMNED WHISTLE” DELAYS RELEASE OF 2021 PRIUS SPEEDTAIL
Toyota has postponed the debut of the long-awaited Prius Speedtail due to a mysterious whistling sound, the source of which engineers have not been able to locate. “It’s the shits,” said demoralized Toyota engineer Yarbob McNeith. “Nobody wants… Read More
Updated on November 18, 2020
Costco Tire Customers to Receive Change in Rotisserie Chickens
Costco quietly announced last week that all customers of its tire centers will receive their change in rotisserie chickens instead of cash. “It really cuts down on the money handling we have to do,” Costco spokesman Dante… Read More
