Statement released today by Chevrolet (edited for clarity)
|Artist’s depiction of the new Boeing JeTrailer being towed
behind a B-737 aircraft
“Let me tell you what, it’s pretty damned thrilling looking out that front window during a landing,” laughed Boeing Marketing Director Speckles Thompson.
|Opossums and feral cats have licked up
more than 18 miles of roadway striping
Public works crews have spent the past year re-striping more than 40 miles of city streets using an organic food-based paint.
But the city now acknowledges the experiment has been a failure and they’ll go back to using old-fashioned water-based pavement paint.
“Here we’re trying to do something good for the environment and the (expletive) possums and cats keep licking off all my (expletive) stripes,” complained Public Works Director Buddy Chuck Polumbo. “Now we have to go back and re-stripe everything. Little bastards.”
|Is this the 2018 Cadillac ATS?|
There’s no denying that Cadillac’s distinctive Art and Science design philosophy has been a big success.
But unnamed GM sources tell Parksplug that in an effort to pay homage to its past, Cadillac plans to blend more traditional styling cues with newer designs, beginning with the next-generation ATS.
Options will reportedly include an iPhone/iPod-ready Wonderbar AM radio and an Autronic Eye headlight dimmer. No release date has been announced.
In an effort to leave no marketing opportunities unfulfilled, BMW announced today that it will add a high-performance robot vacuum cleaner to its lineup.
The MVac, which will hit the market this summer, will feature an aluminum dust bin and cleaning head along with high-performance motors and HEPA air filters.
Carbon fiber construction keeps weight down to 8.0 pounds, which BMW says should result in a 0-to-across-the-living-room time of approximately three seconds. Although the price has not been announced, BMW has confirmed it will charge $75 extra for metallic paint.
|August Foloney poses in front of the new
Range Rover Evoque he just purchased
Purchasers of the distinctive, hot-selling Range Rover Evoque are themselves unique, according to a new study of SUV buyers.
In addition to belonging to a buyer demographic that is younger and more affluent than most, Evoque purchasers also tend to look similar to the vehicle itself.
“It’s very unusual, said automobile demographics researcher Marynice Chodd. “The only other time we’ve noticed this is with Nissan Juke buyers. They tend to have large jowls, squinty eyes and a single large front tooth.”
The vehicle, displayed at the company’s Oregon headquarters, is constructed almost entirely of shoe components and will be available beginning this summer in a variety of sizes and colors. Some of the features of the new roadster include:
|Traffic Monitor Dale Fergerman aims
his camera at a red light violator
Red light cameras can generate significant revenue for local governments, but they’re also expensive to buy and maintain. That’s why one local government has dumped its camera in favor of an employee with a camera perched in a seat high above the intersection.
“Red light camera systems cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, but we pay Dale minimum wage and buy him a Subway combo when he comes down off the light post,” said Streets and Highways Department Manager Dick Bob Zindle.
He was referring to traffic monitor Dale Fergerman, who spends several hours each day high above the intersection snapping photographs of red light violators.
“It’s really worked out well…except for the time Dale fell out of his chair and landed on a nun in the crosswalk below. We bought her a sandwich. She was very nice about it,” said Zindle.
|2015 Cadillac Escalator|
EXCLUSIVE: CADILLAC’S EYE-OPENING NEW SUV
Cadillac describes it as “the most unique vehicle of our time,” and we at Parksplug are inclined to agree. “There’s nothing else like the 2015 Escalator,” said Cadillac Marketing Director Yodart Munger proudly. “It’s our most exciting design since the 80’s Seville bustle back.”
|New Gillette 4X4 features titanium blades
and lubrication strip