BUZZ FROM THE PARKSPLUG WIRES

Despite Ford’s denials, we hear a new Ranger for the U.S. market will debut in two to three years.  One Ford insider, who requested anonymity, described the mid-sized pickup as looking “sort of like a big Aston-Martin Ranchero.”

A judge has ordered a psychiatric evaluation for a 36-year-old Minnehaha man who spent four years building a Pontiac Aztek “tribute”.

Jiffy Lube plans to install decompression chambers in each of its 34-billion shops after employees working in the lower-level pit were afflicted with the bends.

Winka Jo Nordleg, a 42-year-old Grunt Hat resident, was paroled this week after serving three years for washing her Alfa Romeo with Dawn dish soap.

A homeless family of four was discovered living in the customer lounge at Chuey Medusa Chevrolet in Pasodula City.  Manager Dichondra Sue Fooch said, “We just figured they were waiting for parts to come in.”

Upscale mens’ clothier Berndt Focaccia will partner with Pep Boys to offer a line of designer timing belts.  According to spokesman Gianello Sonovabichi, A croc-embossed reversible leather belt for a Lexus LS runs about $600 not including labor.

More cities are trying to figure out how to combat the scourge of illegal street bowling.  In one town, anarchist bowlers fleeing from police left behind a gasoline-fired pin setter and battery-powered hand dryer.

Complaints are surfacing about power shortages resulting from electric car chargers. Residents of one city say the chargers are sucking up so much juice that their clocks run slow and a one-hour television show runs 1.5 hours.

The Department of the Interior is demanding that off-roaders stop drawing maps in the dirt with a stick. “It damages the topsoil and makes the dirt saltier,” explains Department spokesperson Toofie Bonsquat.