CUBBY MILLIGAN IN BIG TROUBLE AFTER CONDOM FOUND JAMMED IN VACUUM CLEANER IN MOM’S HONDA ODYSSEY

Cubby Milligan

Cubby Milligan has been grounded for the foreseeable future after a condom was found jammed inside the vacuum hose of the family’s Honda Odyssey.  Cubby,16, had reportedly used the minivan to take his girlfriend, Juniper, to the drive-in theater to see The Pygmy Chronicles two nights before.

Tinkles Milligan

“He’s not allowed to use my van or take off his pants ever again,” said his seething mother, Sugar Rae Milligan.  The discovery was made by a technician at the local Honda dealership where Sugar Rae had taken the Odyssey due to a suction malfunction.  The family cat, Tinkles, is also grounded after six pounds of cat hair was found matted inside the vacuum’s filter.