GOOGLE SELF-DRIVING CAR CAUSES ACCIDENT, FLEES SCENE

Unidentified police officer struggles as he attempts to take combative processor into custody

A Google autonomous car was speeding and tailgating before it struck the vehicle in front of it at a busy intersection, according to police in Putresce Flats.  No one was injured in the rear-end collision, and police took the self-driving vehicle’s on-board processor into custody on charges of reckless driving and resisting arrest.  

“The processor refused to exit the vehicle when directed to do so by the officers,” said police sergeant Shitzu O’Callahan.  “Officers had to force it out using crowbars and wire cutters, and it continued to resist after being removed from the vehicle.”  Police said the rest of the vehicle was not involved and was released without charges. 

“We haven’t identified the processor yet due to a 404 error on our end, so I can’t comment at this time,” said Google spokesperson Pitot Tuber.