GROUP HOPES TO RAISE AWARENESS OF CAPRICE BRUTALITY

“Caprice brutality is a nationwide problem and we’re working to bring an end to it,” said an impassioned Alvin Gout, president of the organization Stop Caprice Brutality Now! (SCBN!) as he slammed his fist down onto his desk, cracking the screen of the lime green Fitbit Zip he was wearing.  

In one recent case, police arrested 36-year-old Arby Twitchell for Caprice brutality. Police say that like Twitchell, most suspects are angry men with oblong heads

According to Gout, the number of Caprice brutality cases has been on the rise over the past few years.

“Most of the victims are the less popular ’91 – ’96 Caprices.  And this is something that doesn’t happen with foreign cars,” he said, adding, “It’s strictly domestic abuse.”  

Stop Caprice Brutality Now! is holding a march this Saturday to raise awareness of the issue.

“We don’t know yet where the march will be held, but we’re inviting everyone to join us at 8:00am,” said SCBN! spokesperson Sonnet Crunch.

The location of the march is unknown but the route will probably look something like this.