FIRST AUTONOMOUS SCHOOL BUS PULLED FROM SERVICE AFTER CHILDREN DROPPED OFF AT STRIP CLUB

Thirty kindergartners who thought they were going to an indoor play center were instead dropped off at what a school district official called a “gentleman’s club” yesterday morning. 

The five-year-olds were aboard an experimental self-driving school bus–the only one of its kind–when an apparent malfunction caused the autonomous  bus to drive to the wrong location.  

“It was supposed to take them to the Laugh and Dance Club,” explained district spokesperson Flaminia Sprig. “Instead, it dropped them off at a place called the Lap Dance Club. We feel terrible about it.”  

According to Sprig, the problem appears to have been caused by an electronic failure. “Technicians discovered that some little jackanapes apparently spilled his Mango Melon SoBe on the inertial measurement unit, frying the hell out of it,” she said, adding, “The little brats aren’t supposed to bring any drinks on the bus.”  

Sprig praised Ryder Forkhalter, the manager of the Lap Dance Club, who allowed the kindergartners to come inside until a second bus arrived to take them to the Laugh and Dance Club. “He was very nice. It was cold outside.”