Updated on July 7, 2016
AIR FORCE AUGMENTS BUDGET BY AIR DROPPING WEALTHY PEOPLE AT VACATION DESTINATIONS
A respected Major General today told members of a Congressional hearing that the Air Force should be allowed to continue air dropping wealthy individuals and their families over their second homes and ritzy vacation villas.
The practice, which reportedly began at least a while ago if not longer, was brought to light by whistleblower Hialeah Schlipper, after an air-dropped family of four in their Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG drifted off course, landing in her garden, crushing her prize-winning Black-Eyed Susans.
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| An Air Force C-17 Globemaster airdrops a 2016 Range Rover Sport containing Spin and Blair Winstead-Hamilton and their children Seraphina and Atticus near their winter cabin. |
“I can’t even afford Uber,” complained Schlipper as she helped her cat Dickens groom himself. “Yet these fat cats get a ride on the taxpayers’ dime.”
Not so, testified Air Force Maj. Gen. Fauntleroy “Bob” Bob, who, after ten minutes of badgering, finally acknowledged that, yes, his name does sound backward.
He testified that such air drops are paid for entirely by those being transported.
“If some guy pays us $50K or so to perform a simple low-level extraction of his family over, say, Jackson Hole, that’s less money that Joe and Jane Taxpayer have to pay,” Bob said.
No decision was announced, and before adjourning for the day to hit Red Robin for happy hour, Congressional members ordered subpoenas for Joe and Jane Taxpayer.
