EPA STRIKE FORCE RAIDS VOLKSWAGEN HEADQUARTERS

Weeks after Volkswagen’s bombshell admission that it cheated on diesel emissions testing, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s Clean Air Strike Force raided the automaker’s Wolfsburg, Germany headquarters and seized what the strike team leader called, “some Jettas and papers and stuff.”

At the start of the assault, EPA Strike Force Commander Axl Sproing prepares to light the fuse on the Glimmer-Thud distraction device

According to Axl Sproing, the commander of the EPA strike force, the team arrived aboard several whirlybirds around 6:00 o’clock this morning, which would be 9:00pm the night before in Beaverton, Oregon.

“We entered the Volkswagen property and, even though no one was there, we immediately created a diversion by setting off a glimmer-thud grenade, which is kind of like a flash-bang but much less powerful,” said Sproing, who explained that, “Instead of going ‘boom’, it kind of goes ‘kablooey!'” 

After the raid, the strike team enjoyed a satisfying lunch of Spaetzle and hefeweizen in the VW cafeteria before leaving the property.   

No other information was available, but stay with us for updates throughout the day. Or you can check back tomorrow.