Posted on February 4, 2016
Oil Companies: “Motorists Need to Waste More Gas to Get Our Economy Moving”
An industry trade group representing more than a dozen oil companies is pleading with motorists to burn more gasoline and diesel fuel to help boost the U.S. economy.
“We gotta burn more oil to get the economy moving again,” insisted World Petroleum Cooperative spokesman Butchie Joe Hooker
“Let me be clear,” World Petroleum Cooperative (WPC) spokesperson Butchie Joe Hooker told reporters at a press conference. “This isn’t about the oil companies and our profits; it’s about getting our economy moving again.”
Crude oil is at its lowest price in more than a decade, which Hooker claims is negatively affecting the stock market. “Just look at that guy Dow Jones,” said Hooker. “That poor sap has lost, like, a million points since oil prices dropped. It’s hurting everybody else, too, including you little people.”
He also passed along a number of recommendations from the WPC for increasing fuel consumption.
“First, buy a truck,” he recommended. “A big truck. And not one of them V-6 jobs, either. Get the V-8. And then, pull the wires out of the frickin’ stop-start device. It don’t do nothing…except maybe make your truck shimmy when the engine fires up again. That’s hard on your motor mounts.”
“We also recommend people always pull a trailer. And fill it full of junk…heavy junk.” said Hooker. “And don’t forget to top off each time you fill your tank. Fill it to the brim…maybe even slosh a little on the ground, you know what I mean?” he chuckled, adding, “But don’t tell nobody I said that.”
