Cops Crack Down on Highway Parasailing

A police officer waits for parasailer Loonis Twohey to drift to the ground while Emmet Kefauver waits in his car

Police officer Dougie Kefauver writes a citation as parasailer Loonis Twohey, dangling from a parachute, drifts to the ground

Local police announced today that they’ve begun a crackdown on the increasingly popular but illegal sport of highway parasailing.

“It’s dangerous,” said police spokesperson Spumone Figone.  “Just last week, a parasailor’s rope got snagged on a passing Kenworth and they found him nine hours later face-down in a bean field in Utah.  Fortunately, he’s okay — just windblown.”

Figone said another parasailor suffered minor injuries after flying into the side of a Highway 82 overpass.

“You can still see the imprint of his face and body on the overpass,” she said.  “It’s a shame,” whispered Figone.  “He can’t breathe through his nose anymore.”

The imprint of a highway parasailor is still visible on this overpass support beam

The imprint of a highway parasailor is visible on this overpass support beam

 

 

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