Parksplug Road Test: Aston-Martin V12 Vantage S!

When eight cylinders under the hood of your Aston-Martin just aren’t enough, perhaps a 5.9 liter V12 packing 565 horsepower would be more to your liking.  It certainly makes our collective duck quack here at Parksplug.  So we asked Aston-Martin to loan us a new V12 Vantage S Roadster for a short-term test.

(Editors note:  We actually never heard back from Aston-Martin, so instead, we’ll be substituting the specifications and test results from the 1971 Ford Maverick pictured here) 

Aston-Martin calls the Vantage V12 S its “most ferocious sports car,” an apt description given its 170-cubic inch (2.8 liter) Thriftpower inline 6, a 105-horsepower brute that finds favor with sports car enthusiasts and early Ford Econoline drivers alike.

Firing up this pushrod powerplant is performed not by pressing a trendy dashboard button, but rather with the twist of a three-inch-long metal key the shape of a residential mailbox (including the post).

Once idling — our test vehicle, easily identified as an S model by the trunk-mounted wing and five-spoke wheels sprayed with Kilz primer in a sensational hue Aston-Martin calls “Silver” — hissed like an upended tortoise due to a rusted hole in the pony keg-sized muffler.  Above 2,000 rpm, though, the engine note from the single 1.5-inch diameter tailpipe drones earnestly like a Conair hair clipper.  Rather than the lightning-quick dual clutch transmissions installed in many supercars, Aston has wisely stuck with the tried-and-true three-speed full-sychro manual with column-mounted shifter.

While previous Aston-Martin interiors have drawn criticism, the well-heeled buyers of the Vantage S will discover an attractively simple layout replete with aromatic vinyls, pleasantly grained plastics and moderately stained nylon carpets overlying cushy asbestos foam padding.

The church pew-soft front bench seat is upholstered in a clingy, blueish fabric that attracts more lint than Beth Chapman’s bellybutton.

Instrumentation is comprehensive, with a lovely two-binnacle dashboard, one of which consists of a frosted-lensed speedometer with a coffee stirrer-like red needle, while the other sports a fuel gauge and warning lights for temp, oil, alt and brakes.  Farther to the right is a flip-out ashtray that, if sufficiently bent, can securely hold a smartphone.  One Parksplug staffer — who has since been sentenced to prison — wrote that the Vantage S’s interior design is among Britain’s best, perhaps second only to that of a Commer Spacevan.

Unfortunately, just as instrumented testing was to begin, the Aston’s owner returned and demanded that we return the car.  Our argument that the keys were left in the vehicle held little sway with law enforcement officers (see note about staffer/prison in paragraph above).  However, based on the Aston’s torque rating of 148 lb. ft. and curb weight of just 2478 pounds, we estimate a 0 to 60 time in the low fortnights.