Posted on June 23, 2016
Coming Soon: FreeRange Rovers
Land Rover-Range Rover announced today they will add a FreeRange Rover model to the 2017 lineup. According to spokesman Titus Bone, the free-range designation requires that vehicles be parked outside at least 80% of the time. “We’ve already started redesigning our dealerships,” he said. “We’re adding outdoor display areas, grasslands, swales and other natural settings to all our locations.”
A FreeRange Rover interfaces with bovine friends at a recently redesigned Range Rover dealership. What appears to be barbed-wire is actually woven hemp fencing
Range Rover owner, beekeeper and freelance colon hydrotherapist Temple Corpel-Klotz applauded the move. “People spend $100-thousand on an SUV and they think they’re protecting it by locking it up inside a garage. But in reality, these are utility vehicles, and they really should be allowed to roam freely outside,” said Corpel-Klotz as she rubbed a small Chakra stone between her toes.
The announcement, however, was met with some skepticism from Lexus spokesman Gusley Notz. “You’re kidding me, right? What’s next? Are they going to claim their vehicles are gluten-free and all-natural?” asked Notz, who acknowledged that his company’s LX 570 model will directly compete with the new FreeRange Rover.
Asked to respond, FreeRange Rover spokesman Bone acknowledged that, while their SUVs do not contain gluten, they’re not all-natural. “We do add artificial color,” he said.
