Posted on July 23, 2016
Jaguar Halts Car Sales to Homely People
Big-headed author Jimson Tibbles leaves Piers Funt Jaguar after the dealership refused to sell him a car because he’s “too goofy looking.”
Jaguar announced today the company will cease all vehicle sales to unattractive people. “We work so hard to ensure that our vehicles are sensuously designed — works of art, if you will,” said Jaguar design director Magnus Toohey, who declined to explain what “if you will” means or what would happen if we won’t.
“We certainly don’t want a car’s aesthetics all mucked just because of some ghastly looking nutter sitting behind the wheel,” explained Toohey.
Among the first potential buyers to be turned away was Jimson Tibbles, a freelance author known for penning the best-selling tome, The Book of Moot Points.
Tibbles declined to comment, but Jaguar dealer Piers Funt told Parksplug they refused to sell Tibbles an F-Type coupe “because he had a head the size of a f–king desk globe.”
