Mercedes-Benz Massaging Seat Charged With Lewd Conduct

by parksplug

After a three-month long investigation, misdemeanor lewd conduct charges have been filed against the “hot stone” massaging seats offered as an option on the Mercedes-Benz S-Class sedan.

Distraught S-Class owner and alleged victim Fuchsia Buttonwillow talks to reporters in front of the police station. The seats “tickled me in places I didn’t know I had places,” she cried.

“These car seats have been providing much more than just a simple, legal massage,” said District Attorney Blanche Funderberg, who told reporters an undercover police officer sent to investigate the allegations was also “rubbed inappropriately.”

According to the criminal complaint, the seat touched the officer’s private parts, rubbing him with mesmerizing little swirling motions, even after he turned off the switch.

Mercedes-Benz released a statement saying the seats are designed to provide a therapeutic massage and nothing more. “We are cooperating with authorities and are providing counseling to traumatized owners,” said Mercedes spokesman Reinhart Einfahrt.

S-Class sales have increased by more than 1,000 percent since the charges were announced.