Jaguar Plant Denies Shaving Neighbors’ Cats For Upholstery

Paprika McWherter’s two cats, Nibbles and Toby, are as hairless as an enema bag.

Last Monday afternoon, after spending a few hours outside hunting earwigs, the two cats returned completely bald.  “They did it,” she said, pointing over her back fence toward Jaguar’s Trombone-on-Avon assembly plant in Sollihull, England.

According to McWherter, her cats turned up hairless just two weeks after Jaguar announced the availability of cat fur upholstery in its vehicles.  “Do you honestly think that’s a coincidence?” she bellowed. 

Asked for comment, Jaguar spokesperson Hadley Warden-Griggs insisted that it is indeed a coincidence.  “We love kitties,” he professed, and explained that the automaker doesn’t use real cat fur for its seat upholstery. “It looks, feels and smells like cat fur, but it’s actually a high-quality synthetic polymeric fiber.”  He acknowledged, however, that Jaguar does add powdered cat dander to the upholstery to better simulate real fur.  “But we get that from a supplier,” he added.  

In the meantime, McWherter said Nibbles’ and Toby’s fur is slowly growing back.  “But now they’re all scratchy and nubby.”