Ford to Convert All Its Cars to SUVs

Faced with dwindling sales of its car models, including the formerly hot-selling Fusion and Focus, Ford today announced it will convert its entire U.S. lineup of cars to trucks, SUVs and crossovers.

Mustang-based crossover will replace the sporty coupe

Mustang-based crossover will replace the sporty coupe

“Nobody wants cars anymore,” said Ford spokesperson Dahlia Spooch.  “Everybody loves sitting way the hell up in the air, so we’re just following the market.”  

Smooch released concept photos of the first two vehicles to be converted, the Fusion and the Mustang.  While Ford released no other information about the two vehicles, she intimated that there will still be a Shelby version of the Mustang, perhaps called the X350.  

Fusion looks pretty much like every other crossover. Except for the Nissan Juke.

Fusion looks pretty much like every other crossover. Except for the Nissan Juke.

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