Financially Ailing Fiat Dealers to Pair Up With Quiznos

Trying to simultaneously save two struggling businesses, the Federal Trade Commission today green-lighted a plan to combine Fiat dealerships with Quiznos sandwich restaurants.

“We’ve only been averaging eight new car sales per month,” said glum Fiat dealer Pancho Dandercleave.  “But by making it easy for the customer to take home both a shiny new Fiat and, say, a toasted peppercorn steak sub, we think we can bump that number up to as many as nine cars and maybe a dozen sandwiches a month.”  

Quiznos manager Pug Fostich, whose restaurant shares space with Dandercleave’s Fiat store, added that customers can finance both the car and meal through Fiat Chrysler Capital, including optional extras such as extended warranties, floor mats, chips and a drink.  “By financing it over 60 months, a tuna sandwich has never been more affordable,” Fostich added.