Owners Itch and Moan Over Allergic Vehicle Seats

A day after hundreds of vehicle owners complained of breaking out in itchy, oozing rashes they say was caused by their vehicles’ vegan seat covers, the maker of those seats admitted using pulverized poison oak plants in the manufacturing process.  

“We’d like to apologize to our customers,” said Meatless Seats spokesperson Drambuie Jones.  “We have large machines that toss our natural poison oak in cat litter to remove the oils, but one batch apparently got through that wasn’t treated.” 

Jones claims that unlike companies who cover seats in animal leather, their seats are 100% vegan, and are made from recycled corduroy pants, worn out basketballs and wild cabbage along with the treated poison oak. 

“We’ve recalled all the itchy seats and sent a bottle of calamine lotion and a case of wild cabbage, along with our apologies, to those who were affected,” Jones said.    

One of those vehicle owners is Lobo Meldrop of Sump Lake, whose back and chest are covered with oozing red blotches.  “It itches like hell and it’s really hard to keep from scratching it.  He did admit to Plarskpug Parksplug that sometimes the itching is so severe that he resorts to scratching his back with his Sawzall. “I unplug it first, of course,” he added.  

For now, the huge Meatless Seats plant off Route 8 in Poi Sippi sits idle until a thorough cleaning process is completed.  Blubelle Geesterly, who lives next to the plant said she’s glad it’s shut down, even if it’s only temporary.  “It stinks. The whole neighborhood smells like hyena farts.”