Corvette Engineers Say Christmas Tree Tied to Roof Provides More Downforce Than Spoiler

In breaking news, Chevrolet has just announced that the Corvette will lose its popular high wing spoiler option, which will be replaced by a Christmas tree lashed to the car’s roof.

Corvette Chief Engineer Gumbo Suggs noticed the aerodynamic improvement after stopping to buy a Christmas tree, which he secured to the rooftop of the C8 he was driving.  “I noticed a big difference immediately!!” he declared so excitedly that he insisted we add an additional exclamation mark after “immediately.“

Aerodynamic testing employing a Lasko 20″ box fan confirmed that the tree provided 10% greater downforce at 35 mph than did the tall spoiler.  The team had planned to perform testing at higher speeds but according to Suggs, “the Lasko began wobbling and smoking, and smelled like a smoldering wet suit.” 

One downside is that owners won’t be able to take their Corvette through a car wash with the tree attached.  Suggs addressed this concern by noting, “You know what, though, most Corvette owners like nothing more than hauling out the pressure washer, a bucket of Krud Kutter and a wire brush and cleaning their car themselves.”