Congress Considering Extending Day to 27 Hours to Make Up For Time Lost Sitting in Traffic

Congress is scheduled to consider a bill next week that would extend the length of a day from 24 to 27 hours to make up for time lost in traffic jams.

“Millions of people spend hours each day sitting in traffic, but my bill would give them more time to surf Ello, read in the bathroom, or watch Madam Secretary,” said Congressman Dub Funderman.

Others, however, including author Robin Sloan, objected to the change, saying he would have to change the title of his best-selling book, Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore.  “We can’t magically change the “4” to a “7,” you know.  We’d have to change the whole cover. This really blows.”

In addition, 24-Hour Fitness, the world’s largest fitness center, said changing all signage at their 400 locations would cost millions and would befuddle their members.

“Our clients might look good but they’re quite easily confused,” said 24-Hour Fitness spokesman Viril Trapezius. “I suspect a lot of them ate paint chips when they were kids, but please don’t print that.”