Police fired rubber bullets and firefighters used water hoses today to restore order after hand sanitizer dispensers at the North American Auto Show in Detroit were inadvertently filled with arousal gel. “When I arrived, a dozen people rushed over and began groping me and licking my earlobes,” said police officer Al Thacker. “Even my pepper spray wouldn’t repel them.”
“It was the best auto show I’ve ever been to,” said attendee Belinda Lou Benofski
Fire Captain Norburt Wang said the incident, which was caused when an unidentified COBO Center employee accidentally filled dozens of hand sanitizer dispensers with K-Y Date Night Intense Arousal Gel instead of Purell, even drew spectators away from the new Ford GT on display.
Show organizer Swoosie Bonanno, whose dress was torn and wig was missing, described the scene as surreal. “It was crazy. People were going at it right there in the aisles while firefighters sprayed water on them. One woman even zoomed up and down the aisles on a mobility scooter doing drive-by gropings.”
Bonanno said the employee who made the error won’t be disciplined. “He’s really a good kid. Besides, he only has one eye.”
