This is the Most Confusing Interview We’ve Ever Conducted

Last week, Parksplug editor Sookie Hackman sat down with Mercedes-Benz Director of Marketing Gerd Keesecker.  It should be noted that spellcheck kept changing Keesecker to Cheesecake, so we just left it that way.

Hackman:  Herr Cheesecake, we’ve driven the AMG GT and AMG GT S, but we hear there’s a newer, more powerful model on the horizon. 

Cheesecake:  Yes.  It is called the AMG GT R.

Hackman:  GTR?  Have you run that by Nissan?

Cheesecake:  Nissan has the GT-R , we have the GT R — no hyphen.  It is not the same.

Hackman: Speaking of sports cars, tell us about the revamped SLK.

Cheesecake:  It is now the SLC.

Hackman:  What is?

Cheesecake:  The SLK.  Or SLC.

Hackman:  You’ve changed the names of some other models, too, right?

Cheesecake:  Ja.  For example, the GLK is now the GLC.

Hackman:  It’s now a Mazda?  

Cheesecake:  What?

Hackman:  The GLC used to be a Mazda.  You know, the Great Little Car?

Cheesecake:  No, I don’t know that.  Our GLC is an SUV.  You can choose the GLC 300 or the GLC 300 4Matic.

Hackman:  I assume that since it’s called the 300 it comes with either a gas or diesel 3.0 liter engine?  

Cheesecake:  No, a 2.0 liter turbocharged four.

Hackman:  Then, why isn’t it called the GLC 200?

Cheesecake:  I don’t know.  It just isn’t.

Hackman:  Well, let’s talk about my favorite, the S-Class.

Cheesecake:  Yes, it’s a beautiful car.  And fast; the S550 goes 0 to 60 in 4.8 seconds!

Hackman:  Wow. That 5.5 V-8 is a great motor.

Cheesecake:  No, 4.7 liters, not 5.5.

Hackman:  What? Well then, why isn’t it called the S….

Cheesecake:  I don’t know.  It just isn’t.

Hackman:  What about the S63 and S65 sedans.  What engines do those have? 

Cheesecake:  Ich möchte nicht, dass, um diese Frage zu beantworten.

Hackman:  Um, I don’t understand German.

Cheesecake:  Awww, das ist schlecht.

Hackman:  Are we done here, then?

Cheesecake:  Ja.