Updated on October 31, 2020
GOD: “STOP PRAYING FOR A FERRARI!”
In a written statement carved into a large chunk of Arctic Mint-colored Corian, God demanded that people “stop praying for a Ferrari, Mercedes or Porsche.” The inscription, found Sunday at the 7,200-foot summit of Chipmunk Peak by a snowshoeing endodontist from Alamogordo, also indicated that God finds people who pray for such expensive indulgences “annoying.”
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| Don’t even ask. |
“While we’re on the subject,” said God’s statement, “Can’t you people come up with some new prayers? If I hear that, ‘Now I lay me down to sleep,’ chestnut one more time, I’m gonna hurl,” He wrote. God also advised that He enjoys short, humorous prayers but not ones that ask for winning lottery numbers or boats or use the words “Thy” or “Beseech.”
On a side note, 67-year-old retired English teacher Sunnie Crutch was mysteriously struck by lightning on a cloudless day after telling others that God’s use of “gonna” in the inscription was improper. Doctors say she will survive but she’s now permanently bald and has a mysterious buzzing sound in her head.
