WALMART PARKING LOTS HOLD MORE OIL THAN BAKKEN FORMATION, SAYS INDUSTRY EXPERT

Senior Stain Invigilator Tarl Barnwormer examines a Walmart parking lot oil puddle

Hundreds of thousands of dilapidated vehicles are leaking so much oil onto the pavement at Walmart stores nationwide that one expert claims it could equal the reserves of the Bakken Shale Formation–or as much as 400-billion barrels.  “It’s an incredibly vast amount of spilled oil,” said Marmaduke Hirth, Global Comptroller of environmental consultancy firm Hirth, Girtch and Wirly, LLC.  

While other stores and shopping centers certainly have their share of leaky vehicles, Hirth says none compare to Walmart.  “75-percent of Walmart customers own a vehicle that leaks at least one quart of oil a week.  If we can skim and collect it, it would rival the North Sea Oil Boom,” claimed Hirth.

The amount of oil leaked by Winkles Poteet’s  white Mitsubishi– which she describes as an “Evo Tribute”–is best measured in barrels rather than quarts

Out in the parking lot, an older white Mitsubishi Mirage appeared to be afloat in a lake of oil. Owner Candy “Winkles” Poteet, who said she was at Walmart to purchase Crest Whitestrips for her single bisque-colored tooth, admitted she didn’t know how much oil her Mitsubishi leaked.  Nor did she know what a comptroller is.