Updated on March 11, 2016
Weather Service: This Jerk is Actually Responsible for California Rain, Not El Niño
Many Californians are blaming the El Niño weather pattern for torrential rains that have drenched the Golden State and caused flooding and hundreds of millions of traffic accidents.
Call the National Weather Service tipline if you know who this person is or his whereabouts. Callers can remain anonymous.
But according to a new report from the National Weather Service, El Niño is not to blame.
“It’s this assclown,” said Weather Service meteorologist Shemp Dilbeck, pointing to a photograph of a smug-looking tool posing with his car. “He washes his damn Porsche, like, every day, and that’s causing all the rain. El Niño actually petered out a month ago,” he added.
“Our California meteorologists are exhausted; they’re not used to having to do this much forecasting and reporting,” said Dilbeck. “We’re asking the public to contact us if they know who this guy is. We’ll confiscate his sponge.”
