OLD BEETLE NEVER DID FLOAT — VOLKSWAGEN LIED TO US ABOUT THAT, TOO

Volkswagen officials admitted today that early Volkswagen Beetles never could float as claimed in a series of 1960’s television commercials. 

“On behalf of our company, ja, I would like to offer yet another sincere apology, this time for claiming that der Type 1 Volkswagen was so airtight it could schwimmer…uh, float,” said VW spokesman Mannheim Schteamvoller. “It was not true. Instead of float, it would go–how do you say it?–unterwasser.”  

Es schwebt nicht

Over the past month, Volkswagen has also apologized for:  

-Using rigged software to cheat on diesel emissions tests 

-Misappropriating emaciated runway model Bentley Bentayga’s name for use on a new SUV

-Claiming Fahrvergnügen meant “driving enjoyment” when it actually means “Bite the wax tadpole”