Homeless Woman Keeps Traffic Moving at Intersection

A homeless woman who solicits tips from the median at one of the busiest intersections in town is being credited by police for keeping traffic flowing smoothly.

“If the driver is on the phone and doesn’t go when the light turns green, she’ll whack his car with her Anything Helps, God Bless sign,” officer AJ Penhalligan said of 69-year-old homeless woman Biscuit Penrod.

According to police, the woman’s crusade has been so successful the city is considering hiring a team of homeless vehicle whackers for several other busy intersections.