Santa Goes Green; No More Coal in Christmas Stockings for Naughty Kids

The days of naughty children awakening Christmas morning to nothing but a lump of coal in their stockings is apparently over. After meeting with a panel of climate scientists, Santa Claus yesterday announced that beginning with Christmas 2022, he will replace coal with something more environmentally sustainable:  reusable containers filled with biogas.

For those unaware, biogas is a mildly explosive, renewable gas made from organic waste from composting toilets, fast food restaurants and forest raking. 

The containers that hold the gas are edible and are produced using a mixture of human drool, walnut shells and discarded cigarette butts.

Unlike coal, biogas is not thought to be a contributor to climate change.  However, it still smells rancid enough to shatter any little miscreants who find it in their stockings on Christmas morning.