Category: Uncategorized
Updated on November 5, 2015
BORDER AGENTS ARREST MAN ALLEGEDLY TRYING TO SMUGGLE WATER INTO CALIFORNIA
“WITH THIS DROUGHT, WE’RE GOING TO BE SEEING MORE AND MORE OF THIS.” Some guy whose name we forgot to get A Fusty Springs man was arrested yesterday for allegedly trying to smuggle water into parched California. Agents… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
HAIR SOLUTIONS COMPANY INTRODUCES THE COUPÉ TOUPEE®
A company that bills itself as “the second-best hair restoration expert in the central time zone®” wowed the New York Auto Show crowd today with its new permanent hair solution for vehicles. “For more than 30 years, we’ve been providing… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
EXPERTS SAY VEHICLE OWNERS TO BLAME FOR GLITCH IN NEW DIGITAL DASHBOARDS
Consumer Reports says thousands of owners have complained about electrical gremlins affecting their vehicles’ all-digital dashboards, but experts at Consumer Reports are placing the blame squarely on vehicle owners themselves. “We call it the 8-Ball complaint,” said… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
SMART’S FORWHO? MAKES A SPLASH IN THE BURGEONING “CHICK TRACTOR” SEGMENT
SMART FORWHO? JOHN DEERE SERIES Despite being derisively dismissed by some as “chick cars,” vehicles such as the VW Beetle, Mazda Miata and Fiat 500 have achieved decent sales numbers, a fact not lost on auto manufacturers. In keeping with that… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
PROFESSOR OF AUTOMOTIVE LINGUISTICS SAYS MANUAL TRANSMISSION H-PATTERN SHOULD BE CHANGED TO AN “M”
A University of Milton researcher is calling upon the world’s automakers to do away with the entrenched “H” pattern manual shifter and replace it with a modified “M”. Prof. de Gallo used a Kuretake Zig Cartoonist Mangaka Outline… Read More
Updated on June 1, 2016
MAKE MONEY RENTING OUT YOUR CAR AND SPOUSE WHILE YOU TRAVEL
Boutros-Boutros Scrivner, who sells solar-powered cattle branding equipment, rents Fifi Scudder and her car at the airport in Nanty-Glo, Pennsylvania A number of new peer-to-peer carsharing services help travelers avoid expensive airport parking fees by renting out their cars to… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
CHRYSLER’S 2016 PACIFICA HITS THE BULLS-EYE FOR LARGE, FLAT-HEADED FAMILIES
300 SEDAN + TOWN AND COUNTRY MINIVAN = 2016 PACIFICA Chrysler’s recipe for cooking up the 2016 Pacifica was actually pretty simple: Blend the low-slung roofline and front clip of the Chrysler 300 with the lower body of the… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
AUDI EMPLOYEE FIRED AFTER USING SPORTS CAR’S LASER HEADLIGHTS TO PERFORM WRINKLE-TIGHTENING PROCEDURE AT AUTO SHOW
NEW R8’S LASER HEADLIGHTS ALLEGEDLY USED FOR WOMAN’S SKIN-RESURFACING TREATMENT An Audi crew member assigned to look after the automaker’s next-generation R8 model while it was on display at this month’s Geneva Auto Show is accused of using the car’s high-tech… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
FUN MEASURERS ADVISE PARKSPLUG: TIME-HONORED “BARREL OF MONKEYS” SCALE IS OBSOLETE
The National Society of Fun Measurers told Parksplug yesterday that the phrase, “More fun that a barrel of monkeys,” is out of date and should no longer be used. That, after the moronic automotive blog used the line… Read More
Updated on November 5, 2015
COUPLE WHO BOUGHT FORMER POLICE BAIT CAR TRAPPED INSIDE SINCE LAST TUESDAY
Kanye and Yahtzee Sperber thought they were getting a great deal on the 1982 Toyota Camry they purchased from a police auction, but after being locked inside the car for nearly a week, they’ve come to regret their… Read More
