DOES NEW CAR SMELL CONTRIBUTE TO GLOBAL WARMING?

For many of us, the “new car” smell–along with the 84 monthly payments–is one of the pleasures of purchasing a shiny new vehicle.  But now a group of non-leading scientists claims the new car aroma is a major or perhaps even lieutenant colonel contributor to global warming.  Parksplug asked Dr. Denzil Borglum, an adjunct professor from the Fanoka Institute of Non-Sexual Tactile Communications and Environmental Studies for details.

DrB:  Is there a chair for me to sit in?

PP:  No, but feel free to lean against the back wall.  So, what’s all this new car smell hubbub about?

DrB:  Our research indicates it’s a contributor to global warming.

PP:  You’ll have to speak up, you’re way in the back of the room.

DrB:  I said we’ve concluded the new car smell is warming the planet.

PP: Which planet?

DrB:  It’s melting the icecaps and putting polar bears out of work.

PP:  What can be done?

DrB:   We recommend buying the optional fabric sealant when you purchase a new vehicle.  It locks the smell into the upholstery so it can’t escape into the atmosphere.  Plus, if you spill coffee on the seat, it’s easy to clean up with a napkin or rag.  Oh, and the paint sealant is an excellent way to protect your investment for years to come.

PP:  You don’t happen to sell cars on the side, do you?

DrB:  I’m sorry…what?  I’m way in the back of the room.