Updated on September 22, 2017
4 INDICATIONS THAT YOU’RE A PORTLAND DRIVER
ONE: While Ubering to the community vegetable garden, your driver is forced to thread his way between a guy walking his therapy micro pig on a leash and a dozen nude protestors dangling from ropes off an overpass.
TWO: While getting into your vehicle, you accidentally impale yourself with the wooden stick protruding from a Voodoo Doughnuts “voodoo doll” that you inadvertently left on the seat.
THREE: You have two Volvo PV544’s. Both run on organic hemp oil.
FOUR: The car you’re driving is registered to a feral cat doula named Pheather who lives in a yurt in the vacant lot next door. While she seems friendly, she’s been rendered unintelligible by her nine tongue studs made from fossilized tree sap.
