IKEA Stores to Sell New Volvos

IKEA, the huge blue and yellow stores that each year sell trillions of boxes stuffed with simulated wood panels along with a baffling array of doodads, cam locks, drawer glides, nut sleeves and screws, announced yesterday that its stores will sell the entire Volvo passenger vehicle lineup at its stores beginning next year.

IKEA shopper Fifi DeWickit examines a Skänka non-stick herring steamer. Behind her on display is a 2018 Volvo XC Medelhög, formerly known as the XC60

“This will be a unique buying experience,” said IKEA spokesman Oddmar “Marty” Ostergaard. “Can you think of any car dealership where you can go buy a new Volvo and enjoy a piping hot plate of Grönsaksbullar veggie balls at the same time? I can’t.”

Illustrated assembly guide is easy to follow and includes Swedish help line phone number

While the vehicles come disassembled and packed in cardboard boxes, Ostergaard pointed out that an easy-to-follow illustrated instruction guide is included, along with a set of plastic allen wrenches.

One difference that customers will likely notice is that Volvos sold by IKEA will sport new model names.

“Our unusual product names are a big part of our identity,” explained Ostergaard, “and we want to continue that tradition.”

The changes are as follow:

Current Name                     IKEA Name
XC90                                    XC Hjälpmedel

XC60                                    XC Medelhög

S60                                       S Köttbullar

S80                                       S Fartyg

V70 Cross Country               Vagn 70 Fyrhjulsdrift