Subaru’s EyeSight Afflicted With Floaters

Hundreds of Subarus equipped with the first-generation of EyeSight, the automaker’s camera-based driver safety technology, have been diagnosed with floaters, according to automotive ophthalmologist Dr. Perky Firtz.  

Automotive Ophthalmologist Dr. Perky Firtz checks Subaru EyeSight camera for “floaters”

Firtz told Parksplug that floaters are generally an age-related condition in which small dots or lines appear in the vision field.  

“Owners of a number of older Subarus complain the floaters cause the EyeSight cameras to “see” objects that aren’t really there and either slam on the brakes or swerve to avoid the object,” Firtz explained.  

Subaru said very few vehicles are affected, and recommends vigorously shaking the EyeSight cameras to break up the floaters.  “Try cleaning the lens first. That might solve the problem,” recommended Subaru spokesperson Lagos Chacksfield.  

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If Lexus Designed the Jeep Wrangler:

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Smart EV’s Big New Battery Leaves No Room For Passenger

Smart Fortwo EV85 undergoing testing with passenger aboard

What a difference a big battery can make.  Smart’s Fortwo EV85, which the company hopes to begin selling in January — fires off Tesla-like acceleration numbers while also setting records for distance traveled on a single charge.  The “85” in the name refers to the Fortwo’s enormous new liquid-cooled 85 kWh lithium-ion battery pack that replaces the standard 17.6 kWh unit.  

The good news is 0 – 60 times are reportedly in the mid two’s.  And range is extraordinary.  One EV85 test mule traveled more than 4,000 miles on a single charge.  

But all is not sugarplums and puppy belches.  After shoehorning the steamer trunk-sized 85 kWh battery into the diminutive coupe, there was only enough room for the driver’s seat, forcing the passenger to cling to the exterior of the moving car.  

Fortwo EV85 engineer Blitz McPheet acknowledged “there are still a few bugs to work out.”  Right now, those bugs are probably splattered all over the passenger.  

 

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K-Y’s New Garage Lubricant Helps Squeeze Large Vehicles Into Tight Garages

If you’ve ever tried to navigate your Navigator into a small garage, you’ll understand why K-Y has just unveiled a new garage lubricant.  

Called K-Y SlideRide, this water-based, fragrance-free gel helps to gently and painlessly insert your big SUV into the smallest garages.  

Before entering, spray on, then gently caress the non-greasy gel into your SUV’s paint using a soft towel.  Some drivers enjoy watching a friend or spouse apply the gel. Then, notice how effortlessly your SUV glides inside.  Plus, it won’t harm your clear coat.  

K-Y SlideRide is on sale now wherever intimate automotive products are sold.  

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Noise Complaints Prompt Feds to Drop Daylight Running Horn Proposal

The use of vehicle daylight running lights (DRLs) has resulted in a significantly reduced number of traffic accidents, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA).

Pedestrians and a cat react to a DRH test vehicle

Because DRLs were so effective, NHTSA began a study to determine if adding a requirement for a daylight running horn (DRH) would lead to even further accident reductions.  

Under the DRH proposal — which applied to motorcycles, cars and light trucks — the horn would sound continuously anytime the vehicle was in gear.  

However, NHTSA announced today it has canceled the DRH program after receiving thousands of noise complaints.  

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Caught on Camera! 2019 Prius PIPU Pickup!

Prius PIPU joins the lineup next year

You really don’t need a Powerstroke-equipped Super Duty to run down to Whole Foods or Amazon Whole Foods–or whatever it’s now called–to pick up a packet of St. John’s Wort seeds and a bottle of hummingbird nectar.

For such light hauling duties, Toyota’s 2019 Prius PIPU (Plug-in Pickup”) will fill that bill perfectly, as long as you plan to take just one passenger along with you, as it’s strictly a two-seater.   

While the PIPU appears to be derived from the standard Prius model, it actually shares the platform of the Prius V wagon, although the battery and charging cord are from the Prius Prime, the instrument panel and infotainment system from the Prius C, and taller wipers from the RAV4.

A Toyota spokesman just looked at us funny when we asked if there would be a PIPU TRD.

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Chevrolet Vows to Stop Making Angry-Looking Cars

Saying there’s already enough unhappiness and conflict in the world, General Motors Vice-President of Design August Dimp today announced the automaker will no longer produce “angry-looking cars.”  

Camaro will get happy next year, says GM

To illustrate the future design change, Dimp displayed a photograph of a chipper, smiling 2019 Camaro.  “Why be angry?”  Dimp asked, “when both we and our cars can be happy and smiley instead?”  

Dimp later had to be escorted from the premises by security after the crowd rioted and set fire to the building.  

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Toyota Selling Millions of Gallons of Beige Paint As Design Heads In a New “Edgier” Direction

Buy 5,000 gallons of beige paint and Toyota will deliver it to you free

Need some beige paint? A lot of it? Toyota has nearly a million gallons of the stuff it would like to sell you.  

It’s all because of the automaker’s newfound emphasis on style, beginning with the redesigned 2018 Camry.  Toyota even calls the midsize sedan’s new look “captivating” and “alluring” — words that until now have never appeared in the same sentence as “Camry.”

The majority of Camrys used to be painted beige, so you know Toyota means business when the color isn’t even available anymore.   

So now the company is stuck with tanker trucks filled with the unwanted paint. “They’ve renamed it ‘khaki‘ and are trying to sell it on Craigslist,” one insider told us.  

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If Mini’s Continue to Get Larger….

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4 INDICATIONS THAT YOU’RE A PORTLAND DRIVER

ONE:  While Ubering to the community vegetable garden, your driver is forced to thread his way between a guy walking his therapy micro pig on a leash and a dozen nude protestors dangling from ropes off an overpass.

TWO:  While getting into your vehicle, you accidentally impale yourself with the wooden stick protruding from a Voodoo Doughnuts “voodoo doll” that you inadvertently left on the seat.

THREE:  You have two Volvo PV544’s.  Both run on organic hemp oil.

FOUR:  The car you’re driving is registered to a feral cat doula named Pheather who lives in a yurt in the vacant lot next door. While she seems friendly, she’s been rendered unintelligible by her nine tongue studs made from fossilized tree sap.
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