Parksplug

2016 GM TRUCKS TO FEATURE EXTRA-LARGE RAMBOX-TYPE STORAGE BINS

2016 Chevrolet Silverado equipped with huge new JumboX

OXYGEN TANK LEAK ON HYDROGEN-POWERED AMBULANCE CAUSES FLOOD

Two parts hydrogen apparently combined with one part oxygen, creating a flash flood just south of Dick’s Souffle Chalet on Beeker St. around noon yesterday.

According to Assistant Fire Chief Mickle Dipford, the surge of water resulted from exhaust from an experimental hydrogen-burning ambulance mixing with oxygen leaking from a tank aboard the vehicle.

“About 30-foot of Polly Ann Measle’s fence got tore up, but nobody got hurt,” said a relieved Dipford who picked his tooth gap with his left thumbnail.

PARKSPLUG IS ON A ROLL! CHEESY AUTOMOTIVE BLOG NOW AVAILABLE IN TWO-PLY TISSUE FORM

According to researchers who apparently have nothing better to do, 97-percent of automotive news is consumed in a bathroom setting, a statistic that heralds bad news for bloggers.  But the editors of the deplorable Parksplug site have introduced a print version specially made for the bathroom–a blog printed on a roll of toilet paper.    

“It’s very exciting,” gushed Parksplug spokesperson 
Tootsie Baskerville as she displayed a roll of 
Parksplug Number Two toilet paper.  “We came up with the idea after hundreds wrote in telling us just how full of #$&! our blog was.  Now they can also detest it while sitting on the toilet. The writing isn’t very good but the perforations are crisp.”  

Baskerville said the two-ply blog-on-a-roll will initially only be sold at Pep Boys and Plumbing Outlet stores, and will be available in three scents:  New Car, 90-Weight Gear Oil, and What’s That Burning Smell?

HEADLINES OFF THE PARKSPLUG WIRES

“No doubt about it, a thumb  would have made the trip a  lot faster and easier.”  Junior Yoogler

IF DENTISTS DESIGNED CAR INTERIORS…

GM FIRES LONGTIME CUSTODIAN OVER IGNITION SWITCH RECALL

Former GM custodian Ogman Bomberger gently caresses his broom after learning he was fired. GM allowed him to keep the broom.

General Motors today fired a custodian who cleaned the company’s engineering building for nearly 40 years, blaming him for faulty ignition switches that could cost the beleaguered automaker hundreds of millions of dollars in repairs and legal damages.

GM spokeswoman Biscuit Muldoon said 67-year-old janitor Ogman Bomberger spent eight hours each night since 1975 polishing floors and emptying the wastebaskets of engineers who designed the faulty part.  “He must have seen some drawings or a prototype of the defective switch on somebody’s desk at some point while he was there cleaning,” explained Muldoon.  “He bears full responsibility for this nightmare; he should have said something,” she said, dabbing tears from her eyes.  Muldoon said no other terminations were expected.  

DESIGNER OF NAMELESS SPORTS CAR LAMENTS: “THERE AREN’T ANY GOOD SNAKE NAMES LEFT”

Rudy Oop spent years designing and building his sporty kit car.  All it needs now is a name.  “I really wanted to name it after a snake because it looks slithery, if that’s a word,” said Oop.  But the part-time car designer and full-time canine Brazilian waxer is having difficulty coming up with something suitable.

Rudy Oop’s “slithery” sports car

“The good snake names, Cobra and Viper, are already taken,” Oop said dejectedly.  “I’ve been over Wikipedia’s snake list a million times.  Fer-de-Lance isn’t bad, but it sounds too much like a bicycle race.”

Oop’s kit, which goes on sale this fall, features an exquisite polyvinyl chloride (PVC) body shell and interior fabrics made from organic prairie oatmeal.  The parts are designed to easily bolt onto any late model Hyster forklift chassis.  “It’s a sweet ride, and it’ll turn on a dime,” Oop assured us.

“All the work is done; we just need a name,” said Oop.  “We begin marketing the car in a few weeks.  If we can’t think of anything by then we’ll have to go with Boomslang,” he said, his voice cracking.

CHRYSLER RELEASES TEASER PHOTO OF 2016 “DETROIT CHALK OUTLINE” 300 MODEL

Just-released photo of 2016 Chrysler 300 shows severely chopped top and available Detroit Chalk Outline paint package

CATTLE UNION DECRIES USE OF ARTIFICIAL LEATHER IN VEHICLES

A group of COWSNOW members attempted to organize a protest march, but most attendees simply stood around and stared at the photographer Manufacturers of artificial leather, however, say their product is more durable and less expensive for consumers.  “These union cows would be much better off if they spent less time complaining and more time tackling their cracking and staining issues,” said Sparley Poink of SansMoo, Inc.

RESEARCH CONFIRMS THAT ALL THOSE IDIOTS ON THE ROAD REALLY ARE TRYING TO ANNOY YOU

Nettie Nordling, 87, pictured with her cat Mr. Squirts, admits she drives slowly just to irritate other drivers. She also enjoys tripping pedestrians with her cane.

A six-month study has confirmed what you believed all along:  You really are the best driver on the road and everyone else is trying their hardest to annoy you.

“You know those people who ‘accidentally’ cut you off?  Well, it’s not accidental–they’re trying to piss you off,” said Professor Rollie Spickles of the University of St. Uvalde, who conducted the research.  “They know you’re the superior driver…they’re just jealous.”

What about that 90-year old woman who putts along at 19 mph and you can’t get around her?  “According to our research, even the old folks do that on purpose just to annoy you.  They never drive that slow when no one else is around,” said Spickles.  When told of the study’s findings, most motorists were not surprised.  “I knew they were doing it on purpose,” said an exasperated Huck Sheetleman while shaking his head.