Category: Uncategorized
Updated on November 2, 2020
Local Man Feels He’s “Pretty Close” to Getting Car Clock Set Back to Standard Time
After a few setbacks that included inadvertently disconnecting his car’s cruise control and soldering his wedding ring to the emergency flasher wiring, Apex Hooflander believes he’s pretty close to setting his vehicle’s clock back to standard time. … Read More
Updated on August 4, 2020
CALIFORNIA’S ROAD SIGN LETTER SHORTAGE: 5’s AND 7’S ARE PULLING DOUBLE DUTY
“WE’RE IN BAD SHAPE. WE’RE COMPLETELY OUT OF S’s AND L’s.” Cookie Dispner, Signage Director, California Department of Transportation As shown on these highway signs, California has resorted to using the number 5 to take the place of… Read More
Updated on July 29, 2020
Oprah Gives Every Member of Studio Audience a 12-Year-Old Car
You might recall that back in 2004, Oprah Winfrey kicked off the 19th season of her popular television show by giving each member of the studio audience a brand new Pontiac G6. Fast forward to last week when,… Read More
Updated on July 29, 2020
As Seen On TV! Generic Vehicle Featured in Auto Insurance Ads Will Soon Be Available to Public
Mention the letters GM and most people, of course, think of General Motors. But there’s another GM out there, one that never built the Chevy Vega or took a $10-billion taxpayer bailout. “Our names are alike,” said Generic Motors CEO Gollie Wagoner,… Read More
Updated on July 29, 2020
Perception vs. Reality: What Other Motorists Think We’re Thinking About Them
WHAT HE THINKS OTHER MOTORISTS ARE THINKING: Badass truck=badass guy. Drinks diesel fuel. Don’t f**k with him. Women want him. WHAT WE’RE REALLY THINKING: What a derf. Must have 15-grand worth of shit on a $5,000 truck. F**king Keebler elf. WHAT… Read More
Updated on May 21, 2020
NO BULL: LAMBORGHINI TO NAME ITS CARS AFTER….WHAAAAT?
Renzo DeSpatula, Lamborghini’s Marketing Director, fights back tears Head buried in hands, Lamborghini Marketing Director Renzo DeSpatula was enveloped in an air of despair. “Non so che cosa fare!” cried DeSpatula, which we think means, “Nuns eating cheese at… Read More
Updated on May 9, 2020
VETERINARIAN: DOGS NEED TO START CHASING CARS AGAIN
Vet Says His New Invention is the Perfect Solution for Fat Dogs Before and After: Veterinarian Latworthy’s own dog Fidget went from being fat and lazy to thin and fit after chasing after the Git-The-Kitty cat head hitch ball … Read More
Updated on April 24, 2020
K-Y’s New Garage Lubricant Helps Squeeze Large Vehicles Into Tight Garages
If you’ve ever tried to navigate your Navigator into a small garage you’ll understand why K-Y has just unveiled a new garage lubricant. Called K-Y RIdeSlide, this water-based, fragrance-free gel helps to gently and painlessly insert your… Read More
Updated on September 28, 2020
Volvo XC90 Reportedly Having Difficulty Handling Its Own Success
The Volvo XC90 is an unmitigated hit. It’s recently become the top-selling Volvo model, and the three-row crossover has won more than 70 awards, including North American Truck of the Year, Motor Trend SUV of the Year, and, strangely,… Read More
